{"id":1175,"date":"2020-11-23T08:18:08","date_gmt":"2020-11-23T08:18:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/?p=1175"},"modified":"2026-10-13T18:16:23","modified_gmt":"2026-10-13T22:16:23","slug":"4-steps-to-letting-go-of-chronic-dissatisfaction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/4-steps-to-letting-go-of-chronic-dissatisfaction\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Steps to Letting Go of Chronic Dissatisfaction"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When you wake up every morning feeling like nothing is working, you may be suffering from chronic dissatisfaction. It\u2019s the persistent whisper in the back of your mind that nothing feels quite right in your life: there\u2019s not enough love, inspiration, money, connection, success, fun, clarity or respect \u2013 just to name a few. Sometimes it\u2019s hard to know what exactly is \u2018not enough\u2019. But you DO know in your gut that something is off.  And you yearn for the feeling that everything really is OK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re not alone. Our culture reinforces the idea that we SHOULD have it all. It can feel like it\u2019s \u201con us\u201d if we don\u2019t have a good work\/life balance, a six-figure income, or excellent health — even in the time of a pandemic! This is a rabbit hole of thinking that leads only to one place: a state of unhappiness and deep dissatisfaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there is a way out. Your yearning for something more is a sign that you\u2019re ready to grow. Recognize it. Let it happen. Discover the freedom and increased energy that comes from seeing possibilities that already exist — and those that might yet be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Yes, I\u2019m ready<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
Let\u2019s get started!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Are You Feeding Your Chronic Dissatisfaction?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Which of these resonates for you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism:
<\/em>Striving for just the \u201cright\u201d result as if there is some objective idea of perfection puts you into a cycle of striving and failing, striving and failing. Perfection is the Muzak in your life that plays a depressing repertoire of \u201cnot good enough\u201d or \u201cI have to get this right\u201d songs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-judgment:<\/em>
<\/strong>Holding the belief that you are not good enough creates a perspective that causes you to see all your efforts as inadequate. You can\u2019t possibly feel satisfied when you believe you are fundamentally flawed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ever-moving goal posts:<\/em>
<\/strong>Having to reorient yourself around an ever-changing project can deprive you of the sense of accomplishment that is vital to your well-being. Studies in Positive Psychology <\/a>have proven that accomplishment is a core need, not to be overlooked.  Successful entrepreneurs are especially vulnerable as their business goals are always evolving in a fast-paced environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not celebrating your achievements:<\/em>
<\/strong>You may feel that celebrating your achievements is unnecessary and self-indulgent. But actually, it\u2019s a golden opportunity to build a repertoire of successes into your consciousness. It forms a reservoir to tap into when things feel difficult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avoiding stillness:<\/em>
<\/strong>When you meet your ambitious targets and the adrenaline finally settles, you may notice a hollowness that can feel like a little death. You may find yourself wanting to avoid this discomfort by immediately launching into another project. But sitting still to experience the transition is a way to make better, more mindful choices. The ones you will feel good about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being future-oriented:<\/em>
<\/strong>Long-term goals are fine and necessary for success in life and business. After all, the \u201cwanting mind\u201d is part of our evolutionary survival pattern and has led to great innovations. But perpetual wanting can mean your focus is on what does not yet exist to the exclusion of all the beautiful things that are already here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"What if nothing is actually wrong?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Did you know that these particular feelings of discomfort and dissatisfaction aren\u2019t caused by the hard circumstances of your life, but by the way you perceive your agency in them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The reality is that you get to choose how you respond to every situation. This is where your power is. Imagine seeing every one of the circumstances in your life as an opportunity to grow. Deepen. You simply need to choose whether you want to be a victim, or whether you want to take the opportunity to grow and become stronger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I find it deeply liberating to know that my life circumstances are not personal. They simply exist. I hope that you, too, choose not to confuse your problems with who you are at your core.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, if life\u2019s challenges are not personal, then why do we focus on negativity as much as we do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We Are Hardwired for Negativity!<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We dwell on negativity<\/a> because our brains look for all the potentially nasty outcomes we need to avoid. This negativity bias is actually what keeps us safe and cues us to change future behaviour. For example, the last time you had a conflict with your partner, chances are you decided to set healthier boundaries or learned how to communicate more effectively. You learned from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This bias also explains why the memories of hurts and insults tend to persist<\/a> with us for days. Negativity sticks! But it doesn\u2019t have to be the super glue in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are also Hardwired to Choose!<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Your brain works best when you use all of its resources \u2013 not just fear- based thinking. It can help you take different perspectives, think flexibly and learn new habits. Best news of all is that what you practice does change your brain! Science shows that each of us can train our brains <\/a>to make smarter and more adaptive choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Liberate Yourself from Dissatisfaction<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You can begin to reclaim your life from chronic dissatisfaction by recognizing when the negativity bias has taken over. Slow down and listen to what you\u2019re actually saying to yourself. Here are three mental habits to watch for:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-blame:<\/em>
<\/strong>Habitually seeing the negative in everything can lead you to think YOU are to blame. The story goes like this \u2013 \u201cIf everything is a mess in my life, surely I am responsible for it. Either I made a lot of mistakes or I AM the mistake.\u201d This misunderstanding can lead you to feel helpless and hopeless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf only\u201d mindset:
<\/em>Do you catch yourself saying, \u201cIf only this wasn\u2019t happening to me! If only\u2026\u201d This gives your power away. You can\u2019t change your life if you believe that something you have no control over is the reason you can\u2019t succeed. It\u2019s a way to give up and prevents you from seeing the possibilities that actually exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes-but\u201d:
<\/em>Do you hear yourself saying, \u201cYes, BUT\u201d a lot? \u201cYes, I do want to deepen my leadership in my business BUT I am not confident enough.\u201d Or, \u201cYes, I do want to stop this chaos in my life BUT I can\u2019t control everyone else.\u201d The \u201cbut\u201d is a signal you are in fear and blocking possibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

4 Steps to Deeper Satisfaction<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Now that you have heard your inner voice cueing you to blame yourself, others, or the perceived obstacles in your way, commit to doing something different. The practices below will build the muscle of personal agency you need to create what you most want in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Heal Your Self-Blame<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This is a practice of noticing,  gently inquiring, and forgiving – with compassion and non-judgment – whatever limiting belief you are holding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"Gently ask yourself:<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat am I believing about myself in this situation? Do I believe that I\u2019m failing? That I am are not smart enough?\u201d
<\/em>If you\u2019re having a hard time articulating the belief, look for the feeling you\u2019re experiencing. Find the place in your body where you experience the feeling. Once you locate where you feel it, bring it into your face and allow it to express through your face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan I know if this is true?\u201d
<\/em> You may notice that even if there is no objective truth to the belief, you may still believe it. This is okay. Simply go to the next step.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat would I do if this were not true?\u201d<\/em>
Experience the freedom that would come from releasing this belief that  \u2013 even if only in your imagination \u2013 can help you feel the utter untruth of it, especially when facts are not enough to convince you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice compassionate self-forgiveness:<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

This refers to treating yourself with compassion and forgiving yourself for believing anything that diminishes your value. Give yourself time, not just five minutes. Be prepared to go deeply. This is by far the most important step in liberating yourself from chronic dissatisfaction – and perhaps the most difficult to do. If you have difficulty feeling compassion for yourself, here\u2019s a practice ( link to limiting beliefs<\/a>.) that will support you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2.  Switch your focus from \u201cIf only\u201d to \u201cWhat can I learn?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Resist complaining about what\u2019s not working and switch your focus to what can be learned from this situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ways to practice this skill:<\/p>\n\n\n\n