{"id":2060,"date":"2021-01-27T00:13:50","date_gmt":"2021-01-27T00:13:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/?p=2060"},"modified":"2026-10-13T18:16:21","modified_gmt":"2026-10-13T22:16:21","slug":"how-to-surrender-coaching-our-overachiever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/how-to-surrender-coaching-our-overachiever\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Surrender: Coaching our Overachiever"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I can laugh about it now, but I used to believe that attack mode was the best approach to any crisis. As a survivor by nature and an admitted overachiever, I was hugely skilled at being focused, applied and determined with every challenge that came my way. I would fight to stay on top of any set of circumstances — even when it was no longer helpful. This worked so well and in so many ways. It helped me build a successful coaching practice and be the go-to person for my family, friends and colleagues. But I know now that there are times when fighting doesn\u2019t work at all. I\u2019ve learned to pay homage to those times and surrender — if not with grace, then with grit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the start of the first lockdown, I noticed that I still felt the push to \u2018do\u2019. Not only was I not slowing down to accommodate this situation, I was expecting myself to continue as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. But a pandemic doesn\u2019t come in isolation. Life continues. And my own personal circumstances suddenly became bare. Apparent. Heavier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like many people, I was far away from loved ones. I had to prepare for the possibility that I couldn\u2019t hold my father\u2019s hand while he passed. I felt I had to come up with a grand plan to support a vulnerable family member who was completely isolated by the pandemic. And in the middle of this, I was expecting myself to support my clients with a full and open heart \u2013 without skipping a beat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But my body disagreed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It kept slowing down no matter what my head was telling it to do. It was as if all my body wanted to \u2018do\u2019 was to BE.  Many times I\u2019ve circled the idea: practicing, meditating, observing. But this time, there was a noticeable shift. I actually changed my behaviour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ever tried to shift your behaviour, you know that this is easier said than done. As a coach, I know about the process of change and trust it. And yet, when I was in the middle of the old behaviour, it was still very hard to see my way out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a window onto how I  made friends with the idea of surrendering. I hope it serves you in your journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Yes, I\u2019m ready<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Let\u2019s get started!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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How I transformed knowing into BEING.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recognized what I was doing – while I was doing it. I realized: \u201cI\u2019m doing it again.\u201d I decided to accept it rather than fight it. Then I made a decision. I committed to doing the opposite. I created spaces. I slowed down \u2013 literally. I decided to walk more slowly. Eat more mindfully. Get out of bed more deliberately, as if the act of starting another day was sacred.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had always known that it was perfectly ok to do less, but now I had transformed it into a practice. I made space for transitions, solitude, and all the time I needed to feel everything that was already there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Empty space: it\u2019s not actually empty<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We need the spaces in our day so that we can shift our perspective. See the whole. Act wisely. Debussy famously wrote: \u201cMusic is the space between the notes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how do we honour the spaces for what they are?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We pause. We surrender to what is. This is where we have real agency, not in the veneer of busyness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Surrender \u2013 what it is not<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n