{"id":2655,"date":"2021-09-28T18:26:17","date_gmt":"2021-09-28T18:26:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/?p=2655"},"modified":"2026-10-13T18:16:32","modified_gmt":"2026-10-13T22:16:32","slug":"i-have-adhd-who-needs-to-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/i-have-adhd-who-needs-to-know\/","title":{"rendered":"I Have ADHD: Who Needs to Know?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019m a big believer in transparency.  But it can be hard to know when or what to reveal about your ADHD. Whether it\u2019s a new job or a new relationship, you may find yourself grappling with this question. Do I share? How much? When? Or do I keep it to myself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My heart ached in my chest when a professional I know told me that his job was in jeopardy once he disclosed that he had ADHD. He was in agony over his decision, and he deeply regretted it. On top of struggling to improve his performance at work, he now had to worry that his neurotypical supervisor did not understand him or <\/em>his ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Yes, I\u2019m ready<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When is it appropriate to share?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

In a nutshell, it\u2019s appropriate to share about your ADHD when the symptoms are impairing your outcomes.<\/p>\n

In relationships:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes,<\/strong> share. The more you share with your partner the better, transparency is key to intimacy. And it\u2019s important that you both see the behavior for what it is.  Then you can be strategic with it. When you\u2019re late for dinner – again, you\u2019ll both know that it\u2019s not about how much you care. It\u2019s about poor awareness of time. You may need a reminder on your phone to cue you when it\u2019s time to leave the office.<\/p>\n

With prospective partners:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes,<\/strong> share. If you want this person in your life, they deserve to know the whole of you. Especially when they\u2019re feeling frustrated and hurt after you\u2019ve shown up late for the third date, or forgotten about it entirely!<\/p>\n

At work:<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, <\/strong>don\u2019t share \u2013 not just yet. But do share if you\u2019ve been asking for an accommodation that you know would help you and they\u2019ve been refusing it.  Explaining why you\u2019re making the request, and how it will help, can go a long way in getting what you need. \u201cI\u2019m asking for a closed door to my office because ADHD makes it hard for me to filter the auditory distractions. I do my best work when I have quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n

When you receive poor performance feedback, take that to your ADHD coach. Make a plan with her to address it. Your employer doesn\u2019t need to know about your process, just that you\u2019re addressing it meaningfully.<\/p>\n

Job interviews:<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, <\/strong>don\u2019t share. They don\u2019t know you yet and you don\u2019t know them. It\u2019s up to you to choose the job that works for you. Once you\u2019re hired, see how it goes. Give yourself a chance to shine. You can decide down the road if you need to directly share about your ADHD.<\/p>\n

Before You Share Anywhere, Ask Yourself:<\/h3>\n\n\n
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