{"id":4939,"date":"2023-05-02T18:24:48","date_gmt":"2023-05-02T18:24:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/?p=4939"},"modified":"2026-10-13T18:16:08","modified_gmt":"2026-10-13T22:16:08","slug":"adhd-and-radical-acceptanceellens-discovery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/adhd-and-radical-acceptanceellens-discovery\/","title":{"rendered":"ADHD and Radical Acceptance:Ellen\u2019s Discovery"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ellen is a high-performer, but she doesn\u2019t always see herself that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On a good day, she knows in her bones that she can be the professional she wants to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On a bad day, she identifies with every ADHD symptom she dislikes. It&#8217;s as if she IS the symptom. She\u2019ll say, \u2018\u2018It leaked through.\u201d The mask dropped and the ADHD showed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The twin behaviours of adult ADHD <strong>&#8211; distractibility and reactivity &#8211;<\/strong> undermine her best efforts. When they threaten to show up, she wants with all her might to cover them up. They\u2019re the opposite of how she wants to show herself to the world. She\u2019ll say, \u201cI don\u2019t ever want to experience that again!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hiding these symptoms has literally been the fight of her life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When Ellen talks about her struggle, you can hear the pain in her voice. There\u2019s an intensity, a repudiation of behaviours she doesn\u2019t respect or approve of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Over the years, this fight has solidified into a self-concept that says her wins were only in spite of herself, not because of herself &#8211; her talents, innate intelligence and drive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Have you been in a fight with your own ADHD symptoms?<\/strong><br><strong>Have you been trying to hide them?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ellen\u2019s life-long default pattern was to take action \u2013 any action &#8211; to cover up what was going on inside of her. This &#8216;faux productivity&#8217; was exhausting her. Even worse, it was blocking her from seeing how chaotic and unproductive she actually was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Today, as she wrestled with this pattern of &#8216;againstness&#8217;, she asked me, \u201c\ud835\udc08\ud835\udc1f \ud835\udc1f\ud835\udc22\ud835\udc20\ud835\udc21\ud835\udc2d\ud835\udc22\ud835\udc27\ud835\udc20 \ud835\udc22\ud835\udc2c\ud835\udc27\u2019\ud835\udc2d \ud835\udc30\ud835\udc28\ud835\udc2b\ud835\udc24\ud835\udc22\ud835\udc27\ud835\udc20, \ud835\udc30\ud835\udc21\ud835\udc1a\ud835\udc2d \ud835\udc30\ud835\udc22\ud835\udc25\ud835\udc25?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She decided she was ready to do something radically different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Radical Acceptance<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The opposite of fighting one\u2019s experience is to accept it all \u2013 radically. Only then can we make the changes we yearn for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But for Ellen, the idea of radically accepting <a href=\"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/en-us\/category\/adhd-resources\/\">ADHD<\/a> in her life felt counter-intuitive. She thought she&#8217;d have to give up her dream of reaching the heights of her profession. She thought radical acceptance would mean letting herself off the hook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ellen asked me, \u201cHow will I balance my self-concept with my career? Does this mean I have to accommodate, delegate, make excuses for myself?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do you hear the assumptions inside her questions? They reveal an underlying belief that she\u2019s not enough as she is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This isn\u2019t surprising. By always comparing herself to neurotypical professionals, she was setting herself up to appear &#8216;less than&#8217;. There was no way she could win!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I invited her to slow it all down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I asked her, <strong>&#8220;What if all you had to do was to accept &#8211; everything? As it is?&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ellen\u2019s shoulders visibly relaxed. Her face softened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Instead of fighting her reality, she allowed herself to BE with her experience. She accepted all of it as it was \u2013 <strong>just for that moment<\/strong>. And in that moment, there was nothing \u2018to do\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As she allowed herself to do the opposite of what she had been habituated to doing, she discovered that the chronic aversion she\u2019d been experiencing seemed to melt away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignnone size-full wp-image-4943\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lyndahoffman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Lynda-Hoffman-Life-coaching-acceptance-and-possibility-1024x515.jpeg\" alt=\"environment Earth Day In the hands of trees growing seedlings. B\" class=\"wp-image-4943\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In that moment, Ellen experienced an expansion of possibility, freedom from judgment and reactivity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She discovered that in this place, she could access her inner resources. She was able to choose the most strategic actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Acceptance is just a way of being in a given moment.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Try it on<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you feel ready to explore <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tarabrach.com\/wise-heart-radical-acceptance\/\">Radical Acceptance<\/a> in your life, ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who would I be if I knew that the ADHD was just a part of my experience?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What part of me already knows this is true?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What choices would I make if I knew I was already wise &#8212; in my deepest self?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>With love and gratitude,<br>Lynda<\/strong><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ellen is a high-performer, but she doesn\u2019t always see herself that way. On a good day, she knows in her bones that she can be the professional she wants to be. On a bad day, she identifies with every ADHD symptom she dislikes. It&#8217;s as if she IS the symptom. She\u2019ll say, \u2018\u2018It leaked through.\u201d [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4942,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4939","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adhd-resources"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>ADHD and Radical Acceptance: Ellen\u2019s Discovery - Lynda Hoffman Executive &amp; ADHD Coaching<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The opposite of fighting one\u2019s experience is to accept it all \u2013 radically. 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