Max came to coaching because he wanted to lead a simpler life. He wanted consistency with fewer ups and downs, steady employment, and the ability to make decisions based on his inner knowing, rather than what he thought he “should” do. He wanted his actions to be congruent with his values and goals. He wanted to live by his gut more and his head less.

Max was articulate, smart and resourceful. He was also impulsive and emotionally sensitive. He experienced these as energy surges which came upon him quickly, leading him to make quick decisions, which he often regretted later. Things seemed to go wrong often and when they did, they did so in a big way. He told me that he wanted to get off the merry-go-round of ups and downs, successes and failures, hopes and disappointments. He wanted to feel centered and know that he could live from a loving, conscious, and joyfully structured place.

Early in the coaching relationship, Max courageously acknowledged that he was afraid of his feelings getting out of control. When he anticipated conflict at work or with a partner, he froze and did nothing, or took on responsibility that was not his. He knew he was pleasing others at his own expense-and in doing so, he felt like he was betraying himself. Worse, holding things in to avoid conflict often resulted in him losing control at the worst moments. Human Resource managers would give Max negative feedback when he was lucky, but more often than not, they simply fired him.

Max realized during the coaching that he was often fighting reality. He desperately wanted things to be peaceful at work and at home, but in both places he ignored his own needs. He learned that this was actually making things much worse; he realized that hoping things were different never actually made anything different.