Diana had once been the rising star in her organization. Today, as she opened the door to her office for the first time after a year of maternity leave, she felt like a ghost. She didn’t recognize herself.
She’d been respected and celebrated in her career before her maternity leave, but now she felt she no longer knew who she was.
Her confidence had given way to doubt. Her passion was covered up by layers of exhaustion. And she knew the expectations placed on her would be high. Her expectations for herself were high!
Her previous successes were weighing her down – as if they were reminders of how far she could fall.
Many executives experience what’s often called re-entry anxiety. One executive mother shared with me, “I used to feel completely in control. Now I second guess decisions I once made instinctively.”
You may be experiencing the same angst about returning to work, but the turmoil is not evidence that something’s wrong. It’s a sign that change has occurred and you’re in a period of adaptation. All change feels disorienting at first. That’s a normal part of life.
And you can make this life transition work for you.
5 Strategies to Make Your Return a Success
1. Break Through the Fear of Not Being “The Same”
You’re sleep deprived, your focus is friable and your energy is unpredictable. You’re afraid that you’re simply not the same anymore. You have multiple priorities tugging at your precious attention, and the ambition you once relied on feels a little less robust.
In your mind, you have a picture of yourself returning to work the same as you were before you left. Wanting to be at the top of your game.
The truth is that you’re not the same. Your life has changed. And that’s ok.
When you’re gripped by fear that you’re not the same anymore, look at what hasn’t changed.
Your career continues to matter to you. Your intellect is the same. Your natural resourcefulness remains. And underneath it all, your authentic self remains intact. She is calm, curious and creative. No matter what your feelings tell you, she hasn’t gone anywhere.
You have an opportunity here.
You get to choose the new version of you in your professional setting. The very act of choosing who you want to be in this new phase is a way to expand your agency.
Ask yourself:
- How do I want to remember that fear is a just a feeling and not a predictor of anything?
- What kind of leader do I want to be as I transition into this new role?
- What way of being will best support me in growing this kind of leadership?
- What kind of support would I like to give myself as I grow this new skill?
2. Embrace This Period of Transition for What it is
Transitions are those moments when your feet leave one place and there’s a sense of nothing solid under you – until you put your feet down in a new place.
That moment of ‘nothingness’ is what makes transitions feel destabilizing. It’s a bit like being suspended in mid-air, not sure where you’ll land.
Successful executives, accustomed to succeeding at almost everything they do, aren’t used to feeling vulnerable. They suddenly need to adapt to unpredictable challenges that require skills they may not have needed before. And when executives return from maternity leave, they can be particularly prone to feeling out of their depth.
Transitions may be uncomfortable, but they’re actually necessary for us to move forward.
So what do we count on when we’re deep in the fear, and we’re not sure we can rely on ourselves?
We learn to count on the process.
Pay attention to what you want this process to be about – for you.
Ask yourself:
- What would make this transition meaningful to me, personally and professionally?
- When I view the transition as temporary, what changes?
- What pressures am I putting on myself when I’m out of my comfort zone?
- What evidence do I have that these pressures are necessary or even helpful?
3. Accept Reality and Melt Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome is about believing you should be different than you are.
When you rigidly stick to the idealized version of yourself – the old self – as a model for who you think you should be now, you make yourself ‘less than’. You compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself who is no longer there.
Comparing with your old self (or someone else) implies that you don’t have what it takes. It’s a whisper to yourself that you’re wrong or deficient in some way.
This belief is not accurate, or you wouldn’t be where you already are. It makes no sense to
believe you should be exactly the way you were before your maternity leave.
As you prepare to go back to work, your first step is to radically accept that things are different.
Your reality is different.
Accepting reality as it is will keep your mood neutral and your anxiety down. Neutrality will help you focus and adapt more easily.
Ask yourself:
- How can I remember that my fear (of not being enough) is just a feeling?
- How can I remember that comparing myself to others will make me feel ‘less than’?
- How do I want to remember that I’m courageous for navigating out of my comfort zone?
- What part of myself can I count on the most?
4. Boost your Confidence
Every risk you’ve taken in your life so far has boosted your confidence. This period is no different – even though everything feels so daunting.
If confidence is built by stepping out of your comfort zone, then you’re already doing that.
The first day you return to work will test your heart, your focus, and your ability to balance new priorities.
Recognize that your choice to return to work is courageous, even if it didn’t feel like much of a choice. The day you show up, you’ve already committed to testing out your adaptability and your capacity to learn at a time when you’re exhausted. Acknowledge that.
Paying attention to all the little (scary) steps you take is a powerful way to build your self-esteem and self-confidence.
On the way home from your first day back, say to yourself, “I did it. I did it!”
Notice everywhere you’re stretching.
It may be in asking for help at home or at work. It may be in your level of organization to ensure you have everything you need for each day. Your stretch may also include leaning into your emotions. Feeling them. Naming them. Rolling with them.
And maybe your stretch will be about accepting that none of this will be perfect!
Pay close attention to everything you do that you never thought you could do before – no matter how small. Celebrate.
Ask yourself:
- What am I most proud of in this new phase of my life?
- What am I willing to do to make space for celebrating my small wins?
- What did I do today that felt hard, but I did it anyway?
5. Practice letting go
- Let go of who you think you should be.
- Let go of unrealistic expectations.
- Let go of comparing yourself.
- Let go of identifying yourself with today’s challenges.
Instead:
- Embrace the process for becoming a more evolved version of yourself.
- Embrace self-compassion as a powerful leadership tool.
- Embrace every hiccup as an opportunity to refine your support systems.
- Embrace the idea of you as a perfect example of opportunity in process.
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