You’re living with adult ADHD. You feel pulled in all directions. You’re either missing your deadlines or afraid you will. And then there’s that persistent inner voice telling you that you won’t be able to manage whatever comes next.
You’re aching for calm and a sense of control. You’re fully aware of what needs to change.
You can have all the insight and motivation in the world, but it won’t be enough to change your behaviour. Old patterns and limiting beliefs will keep you exactly where you are – every time.
It’s this awareness, along with the ache for something better, that you’d think would be the sweet spot for change. After all, you’re highly motivated. You want to grow. Evolve. But it’s just not happening for you.
What you believe becomes your experience.
Do you tell yourself, “This is just how my brain is!” as if the symptoms of ADHD are immutable? Unchangeable?
Do you tell yourself, “This is how I am!” as if you’re identifying with the diagnosis? Limiting yourself to the symptoms?
It’s great that you’re noticing all this. Now you get to go a little deeper still.
Ask yourself:
- What am I believing about myself that keeps me in my patterns?
- What am I believing about ADHD that I doubt I can change?
- What makes me believe that I AM my ADHD symptoms?
- How do I behave when I’m believing these thoughts? Try again? Or give up?
Choose a New Way of Being
When you believe that your brain and behaviour can change, you invite expansiveness and openness. You’re naturally curious. You look around and you see options for strategies that you’d never seen before. You’re focused on how you can learn, so nothing is really a problem. Everything will have a potential solution. Rabbit hole? An opportunity to refocus. Missed deadline? An opportunity to perfect your systems. Failing at work? An opportunity to deepen your self-compassion.
5 Inner Skills for Successful Transformation with Adult ADHD
1. Cultivate the belief that you are capable of learning and growing – even with ADHD.
Write down a reminder of your natural ability to learn and put it where you can see it. Watch how you talk to yourself. If you hear, “It’s just the way I am.” counter it with, “I’m brave and I’m learning how to shift my behaviour.”
2. Plan ahead for that inevitable moment when you’re going to feel discouraged or believe you can’t change.
Where will you find the inspiration you deserve? What note in a bottle do you want to leave for yourself?
(hint: make sure it includes a strategy!)
3. When you fail to meet your expectations, turn back to your objective. Show yourself compassion.
Ask yourself, “What would help me right now to be extra kind to myself? What do I need to do differently to get a better result? What would help me at the point of performance?”
4. Turn into the wind. Don’t avoid what feels hard. Transformation comes in the hard places.
Ask yourself, “What would make this task feel more doable? How can I support myself so that I actually do it?” Remember, it always feels worse in your imagination.
5. Be committed to reality – not the stories told to you by your ADHD brain.
The unvarnished truth has all the information you need to find the best strategies and ways of being. Trust it.
I promise that this gets easier the more you do it. Give yourself the gift of this inner skillset. You’re worth it.
What is Hope? How do You Get More of it?
