Where do you look for comfort when everything feels absolutely insane?
Chaos in our personal lives is hard enough. But chaos in our larger world can feel terrifying.
Everything we rely on – from car prices to freedom to travel – has been challenged with no end in sight.
A political and economic wrecking ball has been leveled at the world order. The democratic post-war order our grandparents fought for is no longer a given. The relative stability created by a common set of rules of engagement no longer apply.
So where do we look for reassurance?
My clients stay awake at night, deeply troubled by the complete disregard for and invalidation of hard-won liberties. Like all of us, they already have their own lives to manage. But now the low-level hum of concern has been rising to a compelling anxiety. And they’re almost embarrassed to bring it up – as if they’ve failed to manage themselves.
Bowing their heads, they whisper: “Oh, and there’s the world issue. I can’t stop thinking about it.”
I think about it too.
When my children were small, we would tell them to look for the helpers when they faced a bully. But where do we as adults look when the bully in charge is unfettered?
Before strategizing or trying to make ourselves feel better, it’s essential that we acknowledge the reality of the situation.
Being awake to our reality is always the beginning of the solution.
The Current Reality
We’re in a collective dysfunctional living arrangement with a volatile relative who knows no limits. They talk more loudly. Behave more aggressively. They act outside of all personal, political and social boundaries. Their aim is to destabilize, not to disrupt for progress.
The purpose of deliberately destabilizing a system is to control it. This is no different than abuse in a personal relationship. The abuser wants everybody off kilter.
Our current reality is that war is being waged on our political sovereignty, economic liberty and hard-won humanistic principles.
But what can we do when there are powers larger than us who choose to put our well-being at risk?
How do we protect our personal sovereignty?
How do we maintain agency? Calm? Hope?
Look for the Helpers
I look for the helpers. I look for the heroes willing to stand up and speak despite very real risk to themselves.
When I despair, I look for the voices of those who have shown jaw dropping courage in the face of massive pressure to stay silent.
Here are just a few of them:
Masha Gessen – Winner of the Hannah Arendt Prize in 2024 and a published author and an opinion columnist at the New York Times. They are non-binary and write extensively about gender politics, totalitarianism and surviving autocracy in Russia.
Corey Booker – Senator for New Jersey who spoke on the Senate floor for 25 straight hours as a call to action against The Trump agenda.
Jon Stewart – Comedian and political activist who bravely shows up time after time, able to laugh and make all of us laugh, in an era when speaking out gets people into deep trouble.
Ranjani Srinivasan – Columbia University student who fled to Canada to avoid arrest after her valid visa was arbitrarily revoked – without evidence – to support the false claim that she was a ‘terror sympathizer’. She boldly went on to speak publicly about her experience.
Danielle Sassoon – Conservative attorney who quit her job rather than be forced to give in to Trump’s demand to arbitrarily drop the criminal case against the mayor of New York.
Judge James Boasberg – Federal Judge who defied Trump’s massive deportations and endured Trump’s threats to have him impeached.
Everyday people are showing up too. They attend town hall events, confront their congressional leaders and bravely persist in spite of deflections and platitudes.
The list is long.
We just don’t hear about them all that much. Or we assume that of course someone else will take care of it.
But none of us can assume that anymore. It’s up to every one of us to actively resist – and to do so in a way that leaves us feeling more powerful and more at peace.
How to Cultivate Personal Power and Peace:
Your Power is in Your Choices
- Do not identify as victim.
Your victimhood is a story created by bullies and abusers. Remember, you have the power to choose your next action. Choose a way of being that represents your values. - Choose to engage politically.
What one small action will you take to support those who protect your interests? It could be buying Canadian, contributing to the political party of your choice, or volunteering your time. - Choose to engage socially.
Give your support to groups who have been targeted. Whether it’s folks who have lost their ability to travel because of how they identify, immigrants feeling threatened by ICE, parents terrified for their children’s health – all these people need to know they’re not alone.
Watch Your Thinking
- Limit your exposure to the toxic messages.
Stay informed but pay attention to your nervous system. Be prepared to turn off the news if you find your heart racing. The messages are engineered to keep everyone off kilter. - Redirect your thoughts.
When the worry comes up, remind yourself that you’re taking action where you can. Notice if you’re catastrophizing and choose language that is neutral rather than hyperbolic.
3. Go to the bigger picture.
History has shown repeatedly that periods of great instability have been followed by progress. More equality. More liberty. More economic fairness.
Self-Soothe Emotionally
- Shift back to the present moment. Feel your feet on the ground. Take in what you see around you. Breathe. Experience this breath. Just this breath.
- Radically accept that this is where the world is right now. You don’t like it, but this is the reality of the times. Acceptance softens you in the face of aggression. Acceptance gives you room to move, breathe and choose.
- Breathe through your fear with a Buddhist practice called Tonglen. Breathe in suffering, breathe out peace. It will calm you, but it will also deepen your calm because you’re breathing out compassion to the world’s suffering. It connects you to everyone else who’s in this with you.
Nurture Hope
- Allow your grief to be felt. If you’re angry, you’re grieving too. Grieving the loss of what you took for granted. Believed in. Grief must be acknowledged for hope to be cultivated.
- Remember, hope is active. You can choose practices around gratitude, spirituality or mindfulness. Engaging in these purposeful ways shifts your brain into a more positive habit. They help you see the bigger picture.
- Connect, connect, connect. Surround yourself with others who are positive and working for better. Especially, make ample time for the people you love.
When you feel at your worst, remember that this shall pass too. We are being called upon to participate in ways we could not have anticipated.
But we are equipped. We have the tools.
Choose to use them – for yourself and everyone else.
