My friend Marie asked me today with a wink, “Can I change my self-concept at 42?” I winked back, “Yes, you can.”
Change was afoot in her life. And change has a way of making all of us question who we think we really are – and what we’re capable of creating.
The tension between our yearning and our current self-concept is integral to expanding our vision of ourselves. The very act of behaving differently in order to get better results changes who we think we are. We stretch into what once felt impossible, and we begin to see ourselves through a new lens.
When you envision yourself in your mind’s eye, who do you see? What attributes, characteristics or patterns would you use to describe yourself? How do you perceive yourself?
If you see yourself as deserving and capable, you’ll work toward a career move that stretches you. If you see yourself as undeserving (for whatever reason), you’ll avoid stepping up.
Mental frameworks are useful to help us navigate the world. But they can also act like barriers to what’s possible.
The truth is that you – at your essence – are potential. You are possibility.
Let that really sink in.
You have an innate drive to self-actualize, regardless of how you perceive yourself.
This drive is the evidence that you are much more expansive at your core than any mental framework would suggest. Learning is your essential nature.
When you take steps to self-actualize, you’re in the process of creating experiences that forever change who you think you are. It’s scary but it’s necessary – if we want great results.
Let’s get back to Marie for a moment. She had also said, “I want to want to make this change.” She knew the change needed to happen, but she couldn’t see herself doing it. Her self-concept was at odds with what she knew she needed to do to create change.
Can you relate to Marie’s experience?
Do you want to change your self-concept, but you don’t know where to start?
4 Steps to Change Your Self-Concept
1. Expand Your Want
Find the Want behind the Want. This is the deeper yearning you want to tap into. Ask yourself: “What makes this ‘Want’ matter so much to me?”
Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. What you focus on grows. Ask yourself: “What delicious feelings do I get when I consider my ‘want’?”
Shift your language to reflect reality. You are possibility. Instead of saying: “This is who I am.” say, “I’m a work in progress.”
2. Commit to Taking Action
Now that you’ve found your want behind your want, decide to put it into action. Ask yourself: “What new and different action – no matter how small – would meaningfully move the dial for me?”
3. Pay Attention to Your Boldness
Every time you take a new and different action, notice that. This is you being bold. Feel it. Experience it in your body. In this way, you deepen your brain’s memory of the new learning. See yourself as the person who could and did do this amazing thing.
4. Remember Your Essence
You are possibility by definition. You were born to learn, to grow, and to transform. You’ve already done this many times over your lifetime. You get to choose who you become and how you see yourself. You get to choose your own self-concept.
You are the author for all of what comes next.
With love and gratitude,
Lynda
